January 2008
12 posts
Totally Real Magazine
Somewhere in a dim boxing ring, Sylvester Stallone...
This shows how much the general public cares about the writers’ strike: kitten pictures and wrestling gets more searches on Yahoo.
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A Man Calls Domino's, Wondering The Whereabouts of...
by Morgan Freeman
Hello? How do you do. I don’t mean to cause a great deal of trouble here but it has now been over one hour since I ordered my sausage, pepperoni, and onion pizza from your establishment. It is currently thirty minutes past the estimated delivery time, and I, my boy, am hungry.
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More Descriptive Movie Titles
SUCCESS! (Kinda)
Remember that letter I wrote to the MARS company? Well they emailed me back saying that I had to call their 1-800 number to provide the UPC number. This was presumably to weed out people who were just screwing with them, trying to get easy candy for free (like me). So after forgetting about it all for a few weeks, I called them back with the necessary information to officially submit my...
"Oh, I Get It! It's Only January!"
My Top 5 Movies of 2007
1. Into the Wild 2. Reno 911: Miami 3. Knocked Up 4. Reign Over Me 5. Alpha Dog My Top 5 Movies of 2008 1. 2. The Bucket List 3. No Country For Old Men 4. 5. Juno
Im Probably Better Looking Anyway
The other week I was in a mall. While waiting for my girlfriend in some girl store, I noticed a middle-aged man walking towards me. I assumed we were the only males in the store and he just wanted to have the token “Oh man, do girls take a long time to shop!” conversation.
When he got up to me, the following took place:
Man: Has anyone ever told you that you look like Andy...
1 tag
Oh, Humorous Portions of Conversation!
Carly: Hey, they don’t have the mints anymore! Restaurant Cashier: Yeah, someone stole them, actually. Carly: What?!? Restaurant Cashier: Yeah. Carly: You’re kidding! Those were for charity!! It’s fucking Christmas and someone steals the mints for charity?! Restaurant Cashier: I know. Carly: They were probably Jewish.
Jake: I found my Big Daddy soundtrack! Celebrate. Emily: you...
Much Easier This Way
My New Year’s Resolution is to start smoking so that I won’t have to think so hard next for my resolution next year.
Checklist for Winter Break
get all of your Christmas shopping done right away so you can chill wit da boys!
go to church on Christmas Eve and spend quality time with family!
maintain the terrible eating habits you have picked up during holidays (syrup flavored sugar makes great mouthwash!)
finally finish that great book you left at home
try not to throw up when you see your expanding body in the mirror each morning
...
EMOcats
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Black guy determined "actually pretty cool" by...
CLEVELAND, OH – Fellow guests at a mutual friend’s local New Years’ Eve party recently deemed the presence of Reginald Youngman acceptable. Youngman, a twenty-seven year old marketing analysist of African American descent, was described as “actually pretty cool, really.”
Guests were originally apprehensive and generally uneasy as Youngman first arrived at the party, dressed in khaki pants...