December 2005
18 posts
Miscellaneous-ness
You know you’re from Minnesota when your father owns 5 canoes and 2 rowboats.
Earlier today I saw a Wisconsin license plate that said “IM4CHZ”. Yeah.
Probably the best thing about going to see a movie is during the previews. Specifically during the Nokia ad, when they show that clip of some fake movie and then it gets interupted and the actors get all distracted and fall down...
What If?
What if ‘Freebird’ was instead written by freshly graduated English students?
If I depart here tomorrow Would you still recall who I was? For I am required to keep traveling on now, Because there’s too many locations I’ve got to witness. But, if I remained in this present location with yourself, girl, Things just couldn’t be identical. Because I’m as liberated...
Uno&Dos&Tres&Catorce
I am sad to say I have given into Bono’s bad foreign language skills and silhoutted shouting. I got a new 30GB video iPod. I hate Apple and I wasn’t planning on getting an iPod until that final commercial with some shitty song blaring over flashing neon colors. That last commercial just somehow convinced me I would be a better person after having one. So after I woke out of my seizure...
I am "too cool"
Best gift this year you ask? Screw the video iPod, this is part of what my best friend got me for Christmas… Now you understand why they are my best friend. I knew it was inevitable that one day I would own something like this, but I always assumed it would be the result of some late night drunken eBay shopping.
If for some odd reason you are not familiar with THE Bob Saget pictured here,...
A List of Overrated-ness
Let’s take a brief look at: THINGS THAT ARE OVERRATED
Chipotle - Overpriced food that you can’t even finish in one sitting. But you buy it just because you assume it must be great since there are real Mexicans behind the counter.
Napoleon Dynamite - This. Movie. Is. Not. Funny… There I said it. You only laughed at it because of the hype you bought into before seeing it. Although it...
Hair Cut: Yay or Nay?
I have been met with a very large decision… whether or not to get a hair cut. Some examples of each:
Sorry! Voting is over!
And remember…….
Oh, Facebook!
You’ve done it again Facebook! Just when I thought I stood some type of chance being productive, there you are to give me something to waste hours of my valuable (questionable) life doing. Such as logging how I met every single person I’m friends with. You bastard, you bastard. After a few minutes of this, I have discovered the best thing to do by far is to describe a situation where...
Does faceBook Count?
I was looking at Facebook the other day, and I saw this feature and although I don’t even really understand what it is or how it works, I still find it necessary to analyze. Apparently it keeps tracks of your schools’ interests and which ones are becoming more common or some crazy shit like that. Anyway, I couldn’t tell if it was keeping track of Winona or all schools in the...
I'm the Best Brother Ever!
The day my sister almost committed suicide under my supervision.
So it was Family Weekend here in Winona a few months ago. Or as the young hooligans here refer to it: ‘Nona. (Or as I call it: ‘Ona.) It’s that one weekend when you really hope your parents don’t pay attention to that post card the damn university sends out to every home. The last thing you’d like to...
Recognizing My Facial
So y’know how you have always wanted to be like that awesome black dude on CSI? (The one that catches careless murderers using DNA found on their toothbrush? Think “only black guy on CBS”.) Well now you can!
There is a website where you upload a photo of yourself and it searches through thousands of different celebrity pictures to see which one resembles you most. Here are the...
New CH Article: AIM edition
Hey it’s a new article called “What Kind of Buddy Are You” on Collegehumor. The pictures of each AIM offender that the geniuses over at Collegehumor came up with are, well… genius.
Ode to Finals
And now, an expression of my hatred for finals in the form of a haiku. This also notes the first time that I have made a haiku since 2nd grade. I now remember why.
Morning exams blow, They can just suck me sideways. I hope the prof dies.
Thank you, thank you.
Once again, I give you “Random Song Lyrics That Could Possibly Be Referring to Recent Political Events If You Really Stretched It...
DeNiro vs. Norris
Chuck Norris vs. Robert DeNiro
Chuck Norris and Robert DeNiro. Walker and Travis Bickle. Without a doubt, the two most badassed people on the planet. But who exactly is the #1 badassed person on the planet and who is #2? I have often found myself pondering that exact question. We all know the mythical powers of Chuck Norris with his arsenal of roundhouse kicks and his anti-drug themed episodes...
MispeLings
Common Misspellings of My Name Here are a few ways my last name has been butchered. I’m not making any up. And I’m only showing a few examples. Seriously.
Klockstien - so close, yet so fucking wrong.
Klockstein - just because a person is Jewish, doesn’t mean a “stein” is automatically inserted into the name. Imagine the baffled faces and sheer confusion while...
New CH Article
Check out collegehumor for a new article called “It’s Better To Be A Woman: False”. If I had to choose one three letter abbreviation to sum it all up, it would probably have to be “LOL”.
10 Things I Hate About You
Pet Peeves That Really Irritate Me:
In Order of Amount of Kittens I Kill Daily To Distract Myself From said Irritation (Starting with Least Irritating Pet Peeve; Least Kittens Killed)
Majority of animals, unless they are my pets
Rain on your wedding day
Static electricity
A fly in my chardonay
Shirtless males
Most Green Day songs
Tom Cruise
Public displays of affection
Stupid people
...
JC and Papa Burgundy
After my Facebook article on Collegehumor came out, I was added by roughly a bajillion people. Roughly. I guess they wanted to catch me breaking “my own rules” by confirming them but I made those badass rules, so they don’t apply to me. And except the assholes with 800 friends who were shirtless while drinking non alcoholic beer, I usually accepted them.
Anyway, I think it would...
David: 1 - Larry: 0
Now, I don’t mind Larry the Cable Guy that much; him and Ron White are the only reasons to ever watch any of the Blue Collar movies. But David Cross (probably best known from Arrested Development) wrote an open letter to Larry the Cable Guy backing up things he said in an interview about the Cable Guy’s act being anti-gay and racist. It’s eleven pages long. And doesn’t...